So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
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He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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