I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
