i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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