woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.