I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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