just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.