I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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