My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Where are you guys?
Drunk
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
