My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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