My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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