my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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