im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
