That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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