How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
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