if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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