dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Terrible idea I love it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
