I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
