you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
