:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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