At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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