Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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