Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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