shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
