There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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