I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
