white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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