my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
