Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
