why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
