Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
