He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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