YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
