literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
