i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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