Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
