I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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