Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
