Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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