this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
