Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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