they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
