Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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