He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
