something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
