Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
