you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
