Plan B is the new Plan A
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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