I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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