Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
