I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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