so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
