walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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