i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
