did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
