I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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