He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
