So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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