So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
