If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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