the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His hands were made for my vagina.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
