So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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