You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
