No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
