I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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