I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
