I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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