I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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