I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
