Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
