What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
