the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
