i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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