well I can't set my house on fire every night
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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