im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
