This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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