I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My life is pants optional.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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