Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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