Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Sober January is a disaster.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize