Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
