please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
