how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
