and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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