btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I forget how to act sober
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
