she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
